The Original Vampire Diaries: Count Dracula

I am tireless in the pursuit of perfection...the pure arc of a vite neck, the vay a heavy silken cape hangs just so...my apologies, I digress. I cannot believe that anyone else could get to the nub and essence of my vork and pay it the respect it is due. Remember, I am of the undead. Ve have plenty of time to kill. Vy am I allowing my intimate thoughts to be published, shared with you unfortunate mortal wretches? I know that you vill be humbled and seduced ven you read about my thrilling unlife, my exquisite vives, my fabulous castle, my effortless style, my supernatural strength, my extensive blood cellar, and my meticulous attention to detail.