Mad Cows

Maddy's first day out with her newborn takes a Kafkaesque turn when she's arrested in Harrods for shoplifting. If this isn't already a miscarriage of justice, then being detained in Holloway's Mother and Baby Unit at the local prison is the D&C. Panicked at the thought of losing her child in a forced adoption, she has newborn Jack smuggled to freedom in her friend Gillian's handbag but worries ferociously about the move because Gillian has the maternal instincts of a guppy fish. Finding herself in jail and as a runner up in the human race, the only person Maddy can turn to is her hot to trot ex-lover Alex who proves to be as useful as a solar powered vibrator on a rainy day. The only trouble with Alex is his sex appeal of which he gives generously. Will Maddy ever escape the clutches of the prison psychologist Edwina Phelps (emphasis on psycho!). Will she ever be able to see Alex for what he really is - a self-made man who worships his creator? When will Alex realize that a "paternity suit" is not the latest look in men's leisurewear? How does one brief a lawyer with a heat seeking penis that never reports to mission control? And what about the entire police force?